CORINTHIAN ISSUES – MESSAGE 5
July 13, 2003

“What Will It Be - A Rod or Gentleness?”

1 Corinthians 4: 6 – 21

In Lincoln, Kansas, there was a farmer who accumulated a great amount of wealth throughout his lifetime.  Eventually, his wife of many years passed away.  He decided that, in her memory, he would have a huge monument made and placed at her grave.  It was a stone loveseat with images of him and his wife sitting on opposite ends.  He was so impressed with how it looked in the cemetery that he decided to contract for another monument.  This time it was a life-size likeness of him, kneeling and placing a wreath on his wife’s grave.  He had it placed next to the loveseat.   Once again, he was so impressed that he decided this monument of himself needed a companion, so he contracted for yet another life-size monument.  This one was of his wife, kneeling and placing a wreath on what would one day be his grave.  He had the monument maker add wings to her figure’s back, because that would remind everyone that she had already died, and in his mind had become rather angelic. 

The man really got into building monuments, and by the time he was done, he had set up even more of them around the gravesite.  During this time, many of the townspeople approached him, asking if he would be willing to give some of his money to community or church projects, or for other needs in Lincoln, Kansas.  Every time, he harshly rejected those requests. 

At the age of 92, this man, whose name was John Davis, died a poor man.  He had spent all his money on monuments.  If you visit the Lincoln cemetery, you will see what remains of all the monuments at the gravesite of John Davis and his wife.  Over the years, many of them have sunken down into the earth, they have been corrupted and vandalized, and they are in very poor shape. 

When John Davis died, there was no funeral for him.  Only one person showed up at the mortuary to pay respects – the monument maker. 

Sometimes people build monuments to themselves or to other people, if not literally – as John Davis did – then in their minds.  I think that, as we began to look at the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, we saw that the people in the Corinthian church had, in their minds, built monuments to teachers and to spiritual leaders – Paul, Apollos, and Peter.  The church had gone beyond appreciation for these leaders and gratitude for what they had done for the people, and it had become a competition.  People in the church had become prideful and were quarreling.  The church was very divided. 

Conclusion of a teacher’s instructions

In the first four chapters of his letter to the Corinthians, we have seen Paul address the issue of divisions over these teachers and spiritual leaders.  Paul did not encourage it; he did not play the game even if he was one of those who had a following.  In fact, he told the people that it was wrong.  In Chapter 3, he said it was immature, and he also told them their arrogance and their boastfulness were wrong.  He talked about how the people had divided Christ’s body.  He spoke of how he, as one of the men they had divided over, understood his role in ministry as well as the value of the roles of Apollos and Peter.  He told the Corinthians that God had given each of these men to them.  Each was valuable, and each played an important role.  Paul told them that if they were going to boast, they should boast in the Lord – not in themselves, not in different men. 

Today, we’ll look at Paul’s concluding remarks as he wrapped up that particular issue.  Open your Bibles to 1 Corinthians 4:6.  “Now these things, brethren, I have figuratively applied to myself and Apollos for your sakes, so that in us you may learn not to exceed what is written, so that no one of you will become arrogant in behalf of one against the other.”  In other words, do not go beyond the Scriptures and what the Word of God says.  Stop doing what you are doing and follow the Scriptures.  Stop the divisions, the quarrels, and the competition.  Boast in the Lord – and not in men or yourselves. 

The irony of an apostle’s final words

Then we have an interesting section in verses 7 through 13.  Paul began by asking some questions.  “For who regards you as superior?”  He was talking to people who had become boastful and arrogant concerning leadership.  “What do you have that you did not receive?  And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not…?”  Paul told them that they had become so spiritually proud, so arrogant of their choice in the divisions, that they were beginning to think that their group was superior to the others and that they had accomplished certain things on their own:  “You’re so proud of it.  Just ask yourself, ‘Who made you so superior?  What do you have that you accomplished all by yourself that you didn’t receive?’” 

Then, in verse 9 Paul spoke of himself and the others as being apostles, and reminded them that being an apostle wasn’t easy.  There are two verses that really seem to sum up what he was doing in this section.  In verse 8 he said, “You are already filled, you have already become rich, you have become kings without us; and indeed, I wish that you had become kings so that we also might reign with you.”  And verse 10,  “We are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are prudent in Christ; we are weak, but you are strong; you are distinguished, but we are without honor.”   Those are interesting statements. 

At our leadership retreat we tried to figure out what Paul meant.  Was he being facetious or was he being sarcastic?  I didn’t know the difference.  We had a discussion of the differences between “facetious” and “sarcastic” so that I could try to figure out which it was.  After I got back from the retreat I did some more studying and concluded he was being neither facetious nor sarcastic.  I think what we have here is “irony” – when you say the exact opposite of what you mean in order to get a point across.  I think that was what Paul was doing here.  I don’t think it was sarcasm: There was no malice, no harsh words, no intent to hurt anyone.  I also don’t think he was being facetious, just having fun and being witty.  I think he was trying to make a point by saying exactly the opposite of what he meant.  That’s irony. 

In verse 14, he said that he didn’t write those things to shame the Corinthians, make fun of them, or put them down, but to admonish and warn them.  He used irony as a form of warning, alerting them to how foolish they had become in their arrogance, quarreling, boasting, and divisiveness. 

Isn’t that true?  If we allow sin to go on in our lives, our families, or our church bodies, eventually we get to the point where the ways we are doing and saying things and generally carrying on look pretty silly.  Paul warned them how foolish they were starting to look.  He wasn’t putting them down or demeaning them.  He was admonishing them. 

The communication of a father’s heart

Then, in verse 14, Paul went into the final part of this issue about divisions, and I love it.  “I’m doing this to admonish you as my beloved children.”  In the first four chapters, he had referred to himself as an apostle, a servant, an under-rower, a steward of God’s business, a planter, and a builder – the one who laid the foundation.  

Now he picked another term.  He concluded addressing the divisions issue by calling himself “father.”  I think what he had in mind was “spiritual parenting.”  After telling the Corinthians to follow the Scriptures and stop doing what they were doing, and then warning them against looking foolish, he appealed to them as their spiritual father.  Let’s learn how he did this, and also learn what it means to be a spiritual parent.  In learning what spiritual parenting is, we’ll cover eight of its main characteristics. 

 The first seven characteristics are right in the text.  The eighth is implied, and we’ll see where it comes out in another Scripture later on.  The first characteristic:  Spiritual parenting begins with birthing.  It’s obvious – you become a parent when a birth takes place.  It’s the same with spiritual parenting.  Look at verse 15:  “For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the Gospel.”  Paul became the spiritual father to these people through birth.  He had gone into Corinth, as recorded in the Book of Acts.  He had presented the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the people there.   Many of them had responded to that message, repented of their sins, and placed their faith in Christ.  When they became followers of Christ, they were born again.  Because Paul was the one who presented the Gospel to them and was involved in their rebirth, he told them that he was their spiritual father.  They may have had many tutors and guardians, many people who had already come along or who would come along to help them in their Christian life.  But he reminded them that they had one spiritual father, and he was it. 

The second characteristic that goes along with spiritual parenting is love – a very special love.  In verse 14, Paul said, “I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children.”  They were children whom he loved deeply.  When you’re involved in the birthing of a child and you’re the parent, there’s a very special love for that child, a very special attachment, because you’re the mother or the father.  It’s the same thing in a spiritual birth.  If you happen to be the one who shared the Gospel with someone, and had the privilege of being there and listening or being a part of that person’s prayer to receive Christ, a special bond forms between you and him or her.  Paul felt that special love for the Corinthians – “my beloved children.” 

The third characteristic of spiritual parenting is admonishing or warning.  Again, verse 14:  “I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you….”  You can substitute “to warn” or even “to correct” for “to admonish.”  Just like biological parenting, in spiritual parenting one of the characteristics is warning or correcting.  There are times that, because of how much you care about some people, you need to warn them about a direction their life is taking, or bring about some correction.  You do this because you love them and care so much, and because you are so spiritually connected to them. 

A fourth characteristic, exhorting, is found in verse 16.  Paul said,  “Therefore I exhort you, be imitators of me.”  “Exhort” means to encourage, to motivate, to challenge, to spur on, to come alongside.  That’s part of being a spiritual parent – finding yourself doing those things. 

Modeling is a fifth characteristic of being a spiritual parent, and it is also found in verse 16.  “... be imitators of me.”  Just like a biological parent, a spiritual parent must be a model.  A person who came to Christ with your help will look to you as a role model.  Paul was willing to accept that role, and he told the Corinthians to imitate him.   We know what he meant by that, because in Chapter 11 verse 1, he again said, “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.”  He meant that they should imitate the things in his life that are Christ-like.  “When and where I am imitating Christ, imitate me.” 

A sixth characteristic, teaching, is found in verse 17.  Paul wrote in his letter, “For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, who is my beloved and faithful child in the Lord.”  Timothy was traveling with Paul; he was also a person who Paul had led to the Lord.  Paul was thus his spiritual father.  Paul said, “I have sent to you Timothy …and he will remind you of my ways which are in Christ, just as I teach everywhere….”  A spiritual parent teaches, either personally or by providing a teacher.  Here, Paul sent Timothy to teach the Corinthians to learn and to grow. 

Another characteristic of spiritual parenting, along with birthing, loving, admonishing, exhorting, modeling, and teaching, is disciplining.  You see that coming up in verse 21.   Let’s start in verse 18 to see how this characteristic develops.  “Now some of you have become arrogant, as though I were not coming to you.”  Apparently some people in Corinth didn’t believe that Paul would actually come there, and this made them arrogant.  He could have meant a couple things.  First, maybe he meant that they became arrogant because they thought he didn’t dare to come.  Sure, he could write a letter, but he would be afraid to come to Corinth in person.  Or, second, he might have been suggesting that they didn’t take the letter seriously and didn’t think that he would actually come; thus, they wouldn’t bother shaping up and changing their ways. 

But in verses 19 and 20 Paul wrote, “…I will come to you soon, if the Lord wills, and I shall find out, not the words of those who are arrogant but their power.  For the kingdom of God does not consist in words but in power.”  It was one thing to claim certain things, but it was another to live a life empowered by God.  That’s what the kingdom is all about – not big claims, not boasting, not words coming out of their mouths, but whether or not they were living a life under God’s power.  He said he would determine which it was when he got there.  He would look for more than words or claims.  He would look for lives empowered by God. 

Then, in verse 21, Paul laid out his conclusion.   He asked the Corinthians  what it would be:  “Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love and a spirit of gentleness?”  It was up to them.  The word “rod” always referred to serious, firm discipline.  The King James version calls it “chastening.”  That’s part of spiritual parenting.  Sometimes you have to be firm, and you find yourself using discipline that goes beyond just warnings – having to be harsh and firm, having to use the rod or at least asking God to use the rod.  If you love people so much, but what they are doing is causing terrible damage, a spiritual parent is even willing to use the rod. 

That happens in our homes, doesn’t it?  Part of it involves being harsh because we love our children so much and we know that the direction they are taking can hurt them.  They haven’t responded to any of the other approaches, so maybe the rod (discipline) is called for.  That’s part of spiritual parenting, too.  Paul laid it out in his final statement, warning the Corinthians not to be so arrogant thinking he would not come.  He would be there if God willed, and he would find out if they were just all words:  “What will it be when I come?  It’s your choice.  Will I come with the rod, or do I come gently?  It’s up to you, my beloved children.” 

There’s an eighth characteristic of spiritual parenting that you could infer, although it’s not in the passage we are studying today.  In another letter written to the same people later on, Paul brought up this characteristic of spiritual parenting.  If you’re familiar with 2 Corinthians, you’ll know that the Corinthian people hadn’t done very well in addressing the issues.  In verse 20 of Chapter 12, Paul said this.  “For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there will be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances.”  He did not want to find those problems when he got to Corinth. 

Paul continued in verse 21: “I am afraid that when I come again my God may humiliate me before you, and I may mourn over many of those who have sinned in the past and not repented….”  He was concerned that the Corinthians would still be involved in their sins and would still be arrogant.  If that was the case, he said he would mourn and grieve. 

Therefore, the eighth characteristic of spiritual parenting is either grieving or celebrating.  The Apostle John in a letter he wrote later, said, “Nothing brings me greater joy than hearing that my children are walking in the truth.”  You see, a part of spiritual parenting is joy and celebration when you observe that the person you love so much, who God let you help bring to salvation, is walking with the Lord. 

In 1 Thessalonians, Paul told the Thessalonian people that he had brought to Christ about his joy when he heard what had happened in their lives.  But, with the Corinthians, he said he was afraid it would be the other way, and that he would grieve and mourn.  That can happen when you are a spiritual parent.  You care so much for people’s spiritual welfare that when they are involved in sin and hurting themselves but are unwilling to deal with it, you grieve – just like biological parents grieve when they see their children making poor choices and facing the consequences. 

So, that is how Paul concluded dealing with the first issue in 1 Corinthians.  He wrapped it up by sharing his father’s heart as a spiritual parent. 

Spiritual parenting and you 

I have questions that deal with the two basic subjects we have covered, both pertaining to some aspect of spiritual parenting.  First, do you have a spiritual parent?  In your salvation experience did God choose to use a certain person?  He doesn’t always do that, but for some of us He did.  Is there a certain person in your life whose relationship with you played a key role in bringing you to Christ?  That person would be your parent in the spiritual realm, even if he or she happens to be younger than you.  I hope you have thanked your spiritual parent many times for being willing to play that role in your life. 

Are you a spiritual parent?  Have you had the privilege of being used by God to help someone come to salvation through a relationship you built, through your sharing of the Gospel, by being the one who was actually there when that person prayed and received Christ?  Did you help that person come to Christ?  Do you know what it’s like to have that special love, to grieve or to rejoice, depending on what’s happening in that person’s life?  Do you know what it’s like to be part of the motivating, spurring on, and challenging, and maybe even warning when things aren’t going well? 

If not, would you like to be a spiritual parent?  It won’t happen until you get involved with nonbelievers, build relationships with them, and are willing to open your mouth when God gives you a chance to share the Gospel.  You can be a spiritual parent, and it’s something that God would love to do for you.  You must take the steps that put you where He can use you. 

The second basic issue for us to consider pertains to people who need spiritual parenting and discipline.  It is relevant to us, just as it was relevant to the Corinthian people.  Are you a person who is stubbornly holding on to a certain sin?   This seems to be what was happening to the Corinthians. They had become arrogant, boastful, and stubborn to the point that Paul had to say, “What’s it going to be when I come, the rod or gentleness?”  It’s pretty easy to get stubborn about our sin, isn’t it?  We let it go on, we don’t deal with it, people warn us, correct us, and share their concern with us, and we just dig our heels in, getting more stubborn, even more prideful as far as that sin is concerned. 

Is that you?  If it is, what will it take for a breakthrough?  Christian friends or a spiritual parent have shared their concerns with you, and you resisted.  They came back, went one step farther and warned you, saying, “Do you realize where this is going to lead, and what could happen if you keep on in this direction?” 

They tried to challenge you, exhort you, spur you on, motivate you to deal with this thing, but you wouldn’t budge.  What’s it going to take?  Will it take a rod?  There might be someone who cares a lot about you, praying to God, saying, “God, I’ve tried everything.  Lord, if it’s what it will take, use Your rod.”  Maybe people are praying that way for you right now.  You might not believe it, but that’s a loving prayer.  They’ve tried everything else, and because they care so much about you they are asking Him to use the rod if that’s what it will take to help you come to repentance. 

Don’t let it come to that.  It doesn’t have to.  If you’re involved in a sin and you’ve stubbornly held on to it like the Corinthians did, it doesn’t have to come to the rod.  Just humble yourself; that’s all it takes.  People whose heels are dug in have to humble themselves before God, repent of the sin, and move on.  Leave it and move on.  Experience joy. 

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